Feeling Good

Feeling quite good today due to all the various tasks I've been able to complete.  Though my "To Do" list is never quite done, I've managed to do a few things on the list; and that always makes me feel pretty good.  We are having the best of what spring has to offer, as far as the weather goes.  I know this has a lot to do with my overall state-of-mind.

Here are some things I did today:

• I washed our sheets and comforter (which I'm embarrassed to say how long it's been since I've washed THAT) and hung them out on the clothesline to dry.  
• I also was able to vacuum out my car today, which included removing and cleaning two car seats and all the "gunk" in, under, and surrounding them.  I'm always amazed at the amount of food items I discover when cleaning out the car -- lots of stale "goldfish" crackers, raisins, fruit snacks, and even some gum!
• I managed to fit in about 30 minutes of exercise -- about 10 minutes of weight lifting and about 20 minutes of cardio.  While exercising, I also finished watching "Dirty Dancing" which I haven't watched in years -- in fact, my copy is a VHS tape!
• I completed a bunch of tutoring-related paperwork too.  Last night I completed all my tutoring hours and said good-bye to the family I have been working with since November.  They've been a good family to work with, and I hope I'll have a chance to work with them again next year.  I know some other tutors who haven't been so lucky.
• I did some work on my hexagon quilt.  I'm currently making more muslin hexagons.  I'm getting near the end of that particular task.  I currently have 734 made out of a total 864 that I need -- coming down the home stretch!
• In addition to all that, I took care of my 3 and 2 year old children, another 2 year old for 3 1/2 hours, and a K, 3rd and 5th grader after school for a few more hours.

All in all, I'd say it's been a pretty productive day!  I'm missing my husband though.  He worked all day and is now at a track meet that will keep him away from home until probably 10:00pm.  Once the last daycare child is picked up, I will be taking the kids and heading over to my in-laws for some take-out dinner.  I'm looking forward to some "adult" company this evening!

Bunny Wall Hanging

I bought this pattern at a quilt show, back in the day when I actually had time to go to quilt shows!  The pattern is "Spring Bunnies" by Harbor View Quilt Designs.  I think I finished this quilt in late 2002, but I'm not 100% positive on that. I do know I started it before September, 2001. It now hangs in my daughter's bedroom.

The size of this quilt is about 28" x 28". This was the first time I tried foundation paper piecing (for the bunny bodies). The pattern I purchased came with the foundation paper all printed and ready to go. It's kind of a difficult method to describe.  If you'd like to know what it is and how to do it, here is a link to a great tutorial on foundation paper piecing.

In addition to foundation paper piecing, I also used regular machine piecing, hand applique (the hearts), and hand quilting.

If I recall correctly, I didn't purchase any of the fabrics for the bunnies' dresses or the plaid border/binding fabric. I think I purchased the yellow background and purple sashing though. I originally made more than nine bunny blocks so that I could "test drive" them to make sure I had the right combination of colors. I ended up w/ about four bunnies leftover which I later used to make a throw pillow for my niece. I think there was also a "boy" version of this bunny pattern.

Conflicted Feelings

 The following is an excerpt from the novel Circle of Quilters by Jennifer Chiaverini.  It is one of the books in her Elm Creek Quilts series.  I read all of these books in the summer of 2010.  When I read this passage, I really identified with the character of Karen and how she feels torn between the duties of motherhood and her own wants/desires.  Fortunately, my husband is A LOT more understanding and appreciative than her husband, Nate, is.  But I still felt this passage worth sharing and reading again because it reminds me that I'm not the only stay-at-home mother who sometimes has such conflicting feelings.

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     "I'm sorry, honey."  Nate wrapped her in a hug, and she rested her head on his chest.  "I know you really wanted that job."

     "It's all right," said Karen, and she meant it.  In a way, it was even a relief.  she had no idea how she would have managed working outside the home and raising the boys without driving herself to the brink of exhaustion.

     "But I know how much it meant to you."  Nate hesitated.  "I know you want a paying job so that you can feel like you're doing something important."

     "That's not it."  Karen pulled away and picked up the knife, slicing Lucas's sandwich into squares and Ethan's into triangles, the way they preferred.  "I think that what I do now is important.  Not making sandwiches, but all of it.  What could be more important than raising my two children to be self-confident, compassionate, moral adults?  I just wish other people respected what I do.  I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I wish other people thought that what I do is important."

     "And by 'other people,'" said Nate, "you mean me."

     She set the knife in the sink and tightened the lid on the strawberry jam jar.  "Yes, Nate.  I mean you."

     "I get it, " he said.  "I get it."

     She doubted he did.  If he did get it, if he really understood how she felt -- but how could she expect him to understand when she herself could barely sort out her conflicted feelings?  She loved her children dearly.  They were more precious to her than any job could ever be.  But one moment she felt utterly fulfilled by motherhood, and the next as if she were trapped, spent, finished.  Old and ugly, tired and used up.  She missed feeling special.  She missed that sense of anticipation that everything lay ahead of her, anything was possible, that she could do anything, be anything, be admired and cherished and beloved.  She missed feeling wanted for herself, for the woman she was and not merely the housekeeping chores she performed.  At the same time, she knew that taking care of her children was her duty and her calling and whatever she did or failed to do in the boys' early years would affect them so profoundly that nothing else she ever did would leave such a mark on the world.  She was angry that no one appreciated the importance of the task appointed to her and ashamed that she wished she could escape its drudgery.  She felt both taken for granted and selfish.  She was ashamed that she could not simply enjoy her beautiful sons, children any parent would be grateful to have, and that what seemed to come so naturally to other women was a continuous uphill struggle for her.  She felt like a failure, hopelessly inadequate to a task that was far too important to entrust to anyone else.

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Beautiful Moments

It finally feels like spring is really here.  There's just this change that seems to take place once the outside temperature reaches above 68.  Add a little sunshine, and, for me, it is transformative!  The grass is green, the leaves on the trees are ready to burst, the daffodils are in bloom, and the birds are singing.

Yesterday morning my husband and I took our children for a walk at a nature preserve that we visit frequently.  It's a beautiful place -- with all different types of environments for the kids to be surrounded by and observe.  It is even more magical at this time of year, when we can see the world coming alive again before our very eyes.  And there, for the first time, our children held hands while walking along the path.  Our daughter called out to her big brother "hold hands!" and put her hand in his.  He readily obliged.  How I wished I had my camera to capture that moment forever!

Here are a few pictures of a time when I DID have my camera along with us.  This was back last June (2010).  My, how they've grown since then!